Acidman: In Memoriam

I'm inconsolably sad about Rob Smith's death. I can't read the comments and the other blogs. I can hardly bear to think about it. I'm awed by how deeply the loss cuts me when I've never actually met the man in person. I didn't even have his phone number. There was no reason to since I declined his few invitations to come to the Cracker Box. So tonight I mourn the loss of a man who wrote so honestly and compellingly that I learned to like and trust him enough, to have ridden off alone with him into the wilderness, even though I didn't know him from "Adam's house-cat."

The last thing I told him was, I was going to make him my friend for life rather than my lover for a little while. Who would have thought we would run of time so soon?

The last thing he said to me was this:

Libby--- I think we missed each other about 20 years ago. Coulda struck some sparks back then.

I'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass, but you remind me of the strong wimmen in my family. And I LOVE every one of them, including my dear, departed mama. I don't lay that kind of flattery on many people. Hell--- I know very few people who are worthy of it. But you?... well... like I said, twenty years ago you and I mighta... whatever.

I know exactly what you mean. Responsibility is a heavy pack to carry, but good people do it, and they don't drop it to go chase butterflies, no matter how pretty the butterflies seem to be. You've got your head in the right place, square on your shoulders, and I believe that life will treat you well. I certainly hope so.

Of course... if you DO change your mind, you know how to contact me.

May you have the very best forever,

Rob

Those words meant a lot to me considering our vast differences. They were so unexpected and touching and came at an especially opportune moment. So tonight, I mourn selfishly for the lost possibilities. I'll wallow in self-pity that I didn't let him paint my toenails red while he sang to me by the sea. That I never shared his hot tub and let him teach me to love okra. That I didn't make the time and take a chance on that cranky old cracker.

Rob Smith died a lonely man but he leaves Blogtopia an even lonelier place. It won't be the same without him. So tonight I'll cry for those of us left behind to deal with his loss. But tomorrow I'll celebrate his life and rejoice that at least he's now free of the pain.

Rest in peace Robert Smith. You deserve some.