Pandemonium

What a weird day I'm having. I slept in of course, this being the easiest work schedule I've had in the history of this gig. I'm cruising through my email and checking my blogs and catching up on my comments. I'm thinking maybe I'll go out this afternoon and take a walk cause it's the last nice day in a while. Going to be cold and raining after this. I'm getting ready to put up a post at the Detroit News when I was hit by a massive panic attack. And I'm talking huge folks. I have general anxiety all the time but this was the big kahuna.

I shouldn't be surprised. This happens to me every year at this change of season, for at least the last 20 years. I think it happens because the light is dying. It starts with some odd shifting pains in the arms and knees and then the heart starts racing. Then I'm hit with a dizzy spell that I'm sure is a sign of my impending death. I'm reminded of Fred Sanford, clutching his chest and shouting to Elizabeth that he's coming to meet her. It's the big one for sure....

The first thing to do is double dose on the tranqs. Take an aspirin for good measure. Then I take a shower and put on nice underwear. I surely don't want to die all stinky and in a ratty nightgown. Then I tidy up the house. I sure don't want them to think I was a slob when they find me dead either. By the time I'm done with that, any normal person would think -- well -- maybe I'm not really going to drop dead after all. Me, I'm not convinced. I drop another half a tranq and lie down for a hour or so. Often, I fall asleep again but today I just laid there and shivered under a bunch of blankets. I hear you get cold when you die. I guess I was practicing. I don't think I'm going to like being dead. I hate being cold.

Here it is another half a tranq and hours later and I'm still breathing, but now I'm so zoned out on the pharmas that I can barely form sentences. I spent the day leaving bizarre comments on the blogs on my blogroll and worrying about what will happen to my own blogs when I do drop dead some day. I would just disappear and no one would know why. I think I need to write a blog will, with instructions and the keys to my place so someone can at least post an announcement. But I don't know who to ask to do it. Any volunteers? Please email me.

In the interim, just in case I go in my sleep tonight, thanks to all of you my dear readers, for your company and comments and comfort along the way. And if the idiots on Capitol Hill ever manage to legalize drugs, could you ask them to name it Libby's Law?