Congress Forces People with Drug Convictions to Attend College

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: **April 1, 2006**
Law that Stripped Aid from 200,000 Students Reversed

WASHINGTON, DC - In a stunning reversal of federal policy, Congress passed a law yesterday that not only repeals the Higher Education Act Aid Elimination Penalty that has denied financial aid to nearly 200,000 students with drug convictions, but actually mandates that people with drug convictions attend college and that the federal government foot the bill.

Frightened by overwhelming public support for a recent lawsuit filed by Students for Sensible Drug Policy (SSDP) challenging the constitutionality of the original penalty, members of Congress scurried to quickly pass a law that would win them favor with their constituents in this election year.

“After eight years of hard work and lobbying by students all across the country, we are thrilled that members of Congress have finally realized that people with drug convictions deserve the right to an education just like anyone else,” said Kris Krane, executive director of SSDP. “However, we are surprised and simply overjoyed that Congress felt it important enough to ensure that all students with drug convictions be given a second chance at an education. SSDP would like to thank Rep. Mark Souder for championing this new law. Sometimes politics truly makes for strange bedfellows.”

Rep. Souder (R-IN), the author of the original HEA Aid Elimination Penalty, had a sudden change of heart after a series of articles written by so-called “whiny campus reporters” led to his staff being flooded by calls from constituents demanding he change the law or be voted out of office. “It is clear to me now that college students deserve to be treated with dignity and respect,” Souder said in a written statement about the new policy. “This new law will help me atone for ruining so many students futures over the last eight years.”

April Fool's joke brought to you by the Dare Generation. They had me going there for a minute...